Sorting Out the Ups and Downs: Trying to Find What Makes Life Worth It

Sometimes life doesn’t just go off track — it flips the map, burns the satnav, and dares you to carry on anyway.

I’ve had years like that. Losing people I love, my marriage breaking, working through a pandemic in care — all while trying to hold it together for everyone else. I told myself, “just get through the week.” But the truth is, I was running on fumes.

I drank more than I should’ve. I cried a lot. I clung to distraction — online dating, work, anything that kept me from sitting still long enough to feel it.
And through it all, I refused to stop. I thought slowing down would break me.

Eventually, I did stop.
I left management, stepped down in my job, started spending more time with my kids. At first, I felt like a failure. I thought I’d thrown everything away. But slowly, the noise eased. I became calmer, softer — the kind of dad who actually listens instead of just managing.

But here’s the truth I’m still working on: I don’t always feel enough. Sometimes I still think I’m one bad day away from proving everyone right — that I’m not as capable or good as I seem.

But I’m learning. I don’t need to be perfect.
I don’t need to have it all together.
I just need to be me — even when that version is messy, tired, or still figuring things out.

This blog isn’t about fixing anything.
It’s about being honest about the climb, the fall, and the climb again.
The ups, the downs, and all the weird bits in between.

So, yeah. This is me. Trying to find what makes life worth it.
Not perfectly — just truthfully.